2:57 am: Dreamt that @iisuperwomanii
aka Lily Singh was interviewing me. She asked me, really interested-ly, “What
is that you do?” and I answered it and made this joke-reference at the last
(which I can’t seem to remember no matter how hard I try, and I am trying) and
she laughed. I am so happy currently because she laughed. I made her laugh. I
caused that laugh. I made her happy, even if only for a millisecond or so.
(Because I have this theory that there’s an inner For-laughs monster, which
gets tickled for seconds or a millionth of a second(perspective and sense of
humor <and also a million other thingsies> play their corresponding roles
here)and it is kind of like the stars already being dead when their light
reaches the Earth. I mean, when you start showing signs of laughing physically,
that joke has long been devoured (maybe this is why we stop laughing abruptly
at times or why we forget the joke) by For-laughs. For-laughs monster is all
your gloom and depression moster-ified. He ( or she, mine is a he) literally
lives “for laughs” (Imagine a world where we are named after our passions. My
name probably would be For do-not-know-exactly-what-yet. What would yours be?
<you could comment.> (Oh me Gaud moment when I actually try to interact
with my audience) )
@iisuperwomanii, you are baeeee,
because you have won over depression in the quest of finding you (Yes, I
outpour clichéd stuff, which always sounds so awesome in my thoughts but comes
out as mush) I am currently in that angst phase of my life, where I do not know
exactly what I want to do, but I have a few vague ideas. I constantly worry
about it. A very tragic combination for my happiness. (and for For-laughs)
…The point here is, that I am goddamn
happy because you interviewed me.(who cares that it was in a dream? Scoot over,
stupid minor unimportant reality detail) I did not ruin that moment with my
innate awkwardness/klutziness/whatever. Plus I made you laugh. (creepier
rephrase: I helped you feed your For-laughs.)
P.S. You always inspire people to
chase happiness because as you say, it is the only thing that matters. But what
of the abyss that is on the path of chase? (plus I am such a klutz) What of the
terror that clutches at your heart whenever you even try to look at that
(metaphorical) path? What of the overall sense of doom that roots you in your
spot(which is under the billboard named Depression) and you feel like you can’t
move an inch, let alone go towards that/those path(s).
P.P.S. I can’t believe I ended up
crying at the end of this writ. This was supposed to be Goddamn happy.
