Some days

Some days, you don’t want to be cheered up. You wallow in pits of self pity and regret. When despair clutches at your heart, you let it. Some days you get tired of struggling to keep your face normal in public. Some days you let the avalanches fall on your heart and stream down your cheeks. 

Some days you let the lumps at your throat cry out and live to their hearts’ desire, while your own heart beat gets drowned in the guttural sounds. Some days you can’t love even yourself. Some days when the world threatens to swim before your eyes, you surrender to those threats.

Some days your mistakes hang tangibly like the mist in air. The mist envelopes you and you let yourself dissolve. Some days you shun the sun. Some days you can’t write anything that could be possibly meaningful but you feel compelled to write. So you write.

Some days you let the migraines take over. Some days it hurts to be reminded of the persons you loved, the conversations you had with them, the happiness you shared with them and the unkept promises. You sag under the weight of those promises.  Some days every remedy you try only serves to further trigger memories you’d rather leave forgotten. 

Some days the dams in your eyelids are inundated and rivulets surge down your cheeks. You feel like drowning in your tears. Some days the feelings don’t shut up. Some days you feel tired of feeling feelings. Some days you pine for yourself. Some days you don’t feel like life anymore.